Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
