Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
