Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
