fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
