i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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