I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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