My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
