I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
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I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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