Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
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Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
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Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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