I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
