i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
