Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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