Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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