We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
