he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
