Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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