At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
