when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize