if you like me you must not know who I am
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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