tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Randomize
