is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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