I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
