oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
