so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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