WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
