yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
