Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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