Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You took a bar mat shot.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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