I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I look better un-naked...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
