Someone shit on the floor
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
