Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We had to coat check the pizza.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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