life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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