i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
