I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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