Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
