this beer tastes like vomit already
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
