It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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