so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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