I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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