Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
