you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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