Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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