ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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