before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
