I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
