just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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