Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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