Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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