I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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