$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize