I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
