Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
